Our World, Your Kids

Welcome To "Our World, Your Kids"

Are you feeling pressured as a parent, feeling like you have to fend off a bombardment of outside influences which seem to be pushing at you from all sides as you try to raise your children? Do you sometimes feel as though your'e the only one trying to uphold any sort of standard? You're not alone!

As a former teacher, the mother of two grown children (ages 29 and 26) and the editor and publisher of Western New York Family Magazine for the last 25 years, I've gained enough life experience to form some strong opinions about what's happening in our world that's affecting how we raise our families. A parent's job is being made much more difficult by outside influences — technology overload, violent media, the plain old lack of civility towards one another; I could go on and on.

Having become a first-time grandmother (that's my new grandson, Dex, pictured above, at only 9 days old!) in September 2008 has made me even more vocal on the subject of what's wrong with the world when it comes to doing what's in the best interest of our children.

In my profession, I have access to cutting edge facts, research and statistics, well-known authors and experts, books, DVDs, educational products and more that can serve as the basis of some great blog discussions about where our world is headed when it comes to serving the needs of our kids.

I hope you'll return and get involved. After all, OUR KIDS will determine the future of OUR WORLD!

Little Listeners May Hear Morning News Program's (Bleep) Vocabulary

I was watching HLN's "Morning Express with Robin Meade" while eating breakfast the other day when a commentary by comedienne Joy Behar aired. Seems like her segment "Not for Nothin'" has become a regular part of this program.

The topic of her segment was "Sex Sells" and she started off by pointing out that David Letterman is always making fun of others, but he's the one who was cheating by having sex with young women who worked with him -- and that after Letterman confessed on-air, his ratings actually went up!

She goes on to mention Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky and then comments on how South Carolina's governor Mark Sanford "mistook an Argentinian woman's vagina for the Appalachian trail." HLN "bleeped" out the word vagina, but later left Behar uncensored when she uttered the word "friggin."

Personally, I don't think this type of commentary -- and the vocabulary that went with it -- belongs on a program that airs in the 8am hour. And we all know what the word "friggin" is a substitute for. Experts tell parents that children should be taught the proper words for their body parts, yet "vagina" was bleeped out and "friggin" was uncensored.

My view is that this shouldn't have been aired at this time in the first place, regardless of what was bleeped or not bleeped! If I was a stay-at-home parent, it's very possible that my 4 or 5 year old could have overheard all of this on what is supposed to be a NEWS program. Just another example of how crudeness is creeping further into our lives and into our children's environment!

I sent HLN an e-mail with my comments. You can do the same at http://www.cnn.com/feedback/forms/form5c.html?1 after watching the video of the segment at http://joybehar.blogs.cnn.com/

The Last of the Full-Time vs. Part-Time Mom Debate

Regular readers of Western New York Family Magazine have been embroiled in a debate over the terms "Full-Time" vs. "Part-Time" mom. The controversy stemmed from an article in our May issue which bore the headline "Full-Time Mom, Wholehearted Volunteer." The article, by Brian Kantz, was originally published in our May 2009 issue and focused on a mom who had given up her career to stay home "full-time" with her children, but still managed to do a great deal of meaningful volunteer work in her community. The article was in NO way focused on career moms (i.e., working outside the home) vs. stay-at-home moms.

Does working full-time make you less of a mom, wrote one mom, taking great offense at the way she interpreted the article. The next letter to come in said this was an "overreaction" ---- and the letters kept coming. We published quite a few in our recent issues but decided, due to limited space, that any remaining letters which came in would be published only via this blog.

The latest letter received is below. You can follow the entire series from its beginnings by going to the magazine's website at www.wnyfamilymagazine.com, registering with your email address and zip code to gain access to the current digital issue and then clicking on "Archives" in the menu bar to view the back issues.

Here's the most recent letter, from Amanda Matyjas Crotty:

I was stunned to pick up the recent copy of WNY Family Magazine and read all the letters about a simple article about a woman and mother who tries to contribute to her community by volunteering.

I have had the experience of being a mom whose work was done exclusively at home and one who works outside the home as well – part and full time.  Not one of those arrangements is easy.  Not one is ideal.  Motherhood is hard and there are many challenges. More often than not, there are no clear answers to the question “What is best for my children?”  We all struggle with the same challenges even if a quick snapshot shows a rosy picture of another mother and her family.

I’ve heard the word “hate” used in context of the mom who was featured for doing volunteer work.  Shame on the women who have said that. I’ll bet none of you who have said that know her.  None of you know her circumstances. The picture was lovely. And she too is a mother and has all the same challenges you or I do. The article just didn’t discuss them.

Motherhood could use a little sisterhood. We should stop being so cruel and spiteful toward each other. Try walking a mile in someone else’s shoes before telling her you hate her. I applaud this mom for trying to make a difference in her community.  I applaud her for being a good example to her children by showing them that we make the world a better place by giving of ourselves and by reaching out a hand to those who need some help. Now if only the rest of us could be as kind and compassionate in our words and deeds as well.

Bullying: As A Society We Seem To Be Gettting Less Civil

I sat down to read the local Sunday paper this morning and found a very pertinent "My View" column by a retired school superintendent. His topic was bullying.

In his 27 years as a school administrator, he says that bullying incidents were the hardest situations to deal with in school. "This problem seems to be getting worse," he says, "because we as a society seem to be getting less civil."

Boy, do I agree. Years ago, when Bart Simpson arrived on the cartoon scene and made the word "butthead" and other questionable behavior acceptable, I remember telling my children that behavior like his was NOT the way people should act; that they would be the ones growing up in a world where others copied Bart's behavior as a role model, and they wouldn't be pleased with the results. Bart certainly didn't display civil behavior and I doubt that many children (and quite a few adults) can even define the word today!

Sadly, the retired school superintendent went on to say that "many times simple problems between students were exacerbated by parents coming in to school demanding that we, as school officials, do exactly as they wanted regardless of the facts in the matter. I often thought about how ironic it was that these parents would come to school to complain about bullying in students when they displayed the same type of bullying behavior as adults."

So, take a look, Mom and Dad, at your own behavior. After all, YOU are your child's first and BEST role model. Teach your children to be civil to their own family members, other children and adults. In case you've forgotten the meaning of the word, CIVIL means, among other things, being polite, courteous, and considerate of others. Rudeness has no place in the "high-minded" person of "good breeding." Being "civilized" is characterized by taste, refinement and restraint says Webster's dictionary.

While some of those definitions may sound "old-fashioned," bulllies wouldn't bloom in that type of atmosphere and it's up to PARENTS to teach their children how to behave properly so that bullying someone never even enters their children's minds.

Work Hard, Accept Responsibility... President Obama Is Right!

I am not a political person and I didn't vote for President Obama. I don't agree with everything he is trying to change, or the way he is going about it, but there certainly is a lot that needs changing.

I watched his first-day-of-school speech to America's students on my computer this afternoon and, as a former teacher, felt he did an excellent job. He spoke as a "real" person, and he spoke from the heart about his own family's hardships and the lack of a father in his home. Too many kids can relate to that in today's world.

His message was a good one... kids taking responsibility for themselves and their future by putting genuine effort into their education.

I'm working on material for our upcoming December 2009 "Exploring Education" section for WNY Family Magazine and finding that, indeed, our children, at the rate they are going, will not come close to being prepared for the jobs of the future.

As President O'Bama said, if you don't try hard in school, you not only let yourself down, you let your country down. Our country is rapidly falling behind in the global talent pool to fill jobs that require highly technical skills.

This point was further brought home to me this morning as I watched a news program where I heard the statistic that "5 out of ten 18 to 24 year olds can't find New York State on a map." Now, I admit that if I had to draw a map from scratch I wouldn't be able to put all the states in the right places, but I sure could recognize them if the map was put in front of me.

Remember those U.S. puzzle maps kids used to play with? Or the maps your Social Studies teacher used to have you color? Maybe we need to bring those back and put them in the context of a video game with flashing lights, bells and whistles.

What a sad "state" of affairs -- it's another example of the dumbing down of America!! I hope the kids who hear President O'Bama's speech take his message to heart. We'll all be better off for it!

Do Bart & Homer Rate Postage Stamp Honor?

I recently saw displayed in my local post office, sheets of "The Simpsons" stamps. Colorful as they are, I don't believe the behavior of these characters deserves the honor of being placed on a stamp. It's just one more sign that poor role models for our kids continue to be elevated in stature when they should instead be pointed out as bad examples; minimized, not glorified!

Okay, most of us probably don't really care whose face is on a postage stamp. We're just annoyed that it costs 44 cents to snail mail a letter these days, and we want our mail to get where it needs to go on time. BUT, having your likeness on a postage stamp USED TO BE considered a great honor and was reserved for human beings who had achieved a true form of greatness.

According to the official U.S. Postal Service "Stamp Subject Selection Criteria" found at http://www.usps.com/communications/organization/csac.htm, "Only events, persons, and themes of widespread national appeal and significance will be considered for commemoration" on a stamp. I guess that, sadly, "The Simpsons" have widespread national appeal, but I find their significance disturbing.

The rules also include the stipulation that "No living person shall be honored by portrayal on U.S. postage." I guess cartoons, like Bart and Homer, that demonstrate many of the worst qualities of human beings, qualify as non-living -- but tell me why real humans who have actually contributed something noteworthy to our society have to be DEAD at least 5 years before they can be immortalized on a stamp!

Tell you what, I think the U.S. Postal Service is compromising long-standing honorable principles to try to pump up their sagging finances. If it'll sell, slap it on a stamp -- that must be the new, unwritten rule.

When the ill-behaved Bart Simpson and the moronic Homer Simpson become nationally significant, I think the 12-member "Citizen's Stamp Advisory Committee" who makes these decisions ought to have their heads examined. If you agree, you can write them (they don't provide an e-mail address; guess they want you to use a stamp!) at:

Citizens' Stamp Advisory Committee
c/o Stamp Development
U.S. Postal Service
1735 North Lynn St., Suite 5013
Arlington, VA 22209-6432

Who Schedules These Commercials?

I was at the gym this week, doing my usual walk on the treadmill, when one of the large screen TVs featuring the Today Show went to a commercial break. Now, mind  you, I didn't have headphones on, so I couldn't hear the sound, but I sure could see the first commercial for "Inglorious Bastards," the new movie by Quentin Tarantino. (I later saw the same commercial at home, so I know the "B" word is clearly pronounced.)

It was 8:20am when this commercial aired at the gym and it was followed by a Rice Krispies commercial with two sweet little girls and their mom. The phrase "Childhood is calling" scrawled across the screen as the commercial came to an end.

My point is, at 8:20 on a summer morning there are probably quite a few families having breakfast or hanging out in their kitchens or family rooms with the TV on. Those families have impressionable young children. Is it really necessary to run a commercial using the word "bastards" during this time frame? The fact that the Rice Krispies commercial immediately followed it further emphasized that the audience at this time of day  might very well include families with children.

When did it become acceptable to allow this type of language to become acceptable at this time of day? Am I the only one who finds it lacking in good judgment? What do you think? I'm sending a copy of this to the folks at the Today Show. You can tell them what you think, too. Write them at TODAY@nbcuni.com.

The Priest & The Principal: Who Can We Trust?

Role models. Does anyone remember who or what they are supposed to be? Trustworthy, upstanding citizens with integrity. Where do we find them these days so that our children can follow in their footsteps?? You're not necessarily going to find them in church or at school, I'm sorry to say!

I can't tell you how saddened I was upon reading the Sunday paper last week. Two different articles jumped out at me. "Ex-pastor admits theft of $213,000 from parish" read a headline on the front page.

A Catholic priest pleaded guilty to stealing the funds — including taking money out of the collection plate — over a period of 8 years. It just so happens that this 74-year-old pastor owns a condo in Ft. Myers, Florida and another in Frenchman's Bay in the Virgin Islands. The newspaper goes on to note that the priest's salary for most of his life was $20,000 a year, but that he had also inherited some money. Perhaps that is what allowed him to repay all the money he stole and get off with a sentence of 5 years' probation. He could have faced up to 5 years in prison for his guilty plea to a single count of grand larceny.

In the second section of the same day's paper, my eyes fell upon the headline "Evidence against ex-principal challenged." The principal of the high school that my own two children (now grown adults) had attended resigned earlier this year after a surveillance camera showed her putting on rubber gloves and pocketing $160 from the school safe. When confronted by detectives, she said, according to the newspaper, that she had taken money from the safe a half a dozen times over two years, but that the total amount came to less than $1,000. Charged with petit larceny and criminal possession of stolen property (a charge related to having unauthorized keys to the safe), her attorney is now seeking to exclude the photos and her confession, said the article.

So, now we are dealing with dishonest priests and school principals, people who used to be viewed as paragons of virtue (at least in their professional capacities). How do we explain this to impressionable children? How damaging is this to their motivation to "do the right thing"? Who can we hold up as good examples? It used to be policemen and sports stars. But even those categories have become sullied by increasing instances of police brutality and athletes charged with everything from DWI hit and runs, rape, domestic violence, taking illegal steroids, etc.

When a priest and a school principal both steal, it's just one more sign that the society in which our children are growing up is in BIG trouble!

I now have a 10-month-old grandson. This is the world he will be growing up in. The word TRUST will carry a different weight in his lifetime. His parents will have to work doubly hard to ensure that he grows up with rock-solid values so that he will develop character strong enough to clearly know right from wrong and make good decisions.

So, parents, it looks like YOU'RE IT!!! If a parent doesn't model good behavior, uphold solid values, encourage honest, ethical conduct, and a sense of integrity in children, their soon won't be anyone left to do it in their place!

But, if you think about it, instilling these qualities has ALWAYS been your job. Only now it's becoming increasingly important that you do your job WELL. Perhaps the priest and the principal's dishonest habits stem from the good parenting that THEY DIDN'T receive! We'll never know. The only control we have is how we conduct ourselves and how we decide to raise our children. Make those decisions good ones!

Life Gets In The Way of Blogging

Somehow, there just isn't enough time to do everything we'd like to do in life. At this point, blogging is one of them. So, I apologize for my lack of posts in recent months. I was really into blogging as we set up WNY Family's new web site to launch our digital issue back at the beginning of 2009. But then life got in the way...

My doctor is after me to reduce my glucose levels and triglycerides and that means that I can't spend every moment glued to a chair in front of my computer. I've got to get moving! Since my job already involves plenty of computer work, it's pretty tough to make time to exercise! Childhood obesity is rampant, partly because kids are spending so much time in front of computers, and I guess I am suffering from the same malady! (I may have to get one of those new treadmill desks where you can pedal while you work!)

One of the perks of having grown up children, like being able to sleep as late as you want on weekends and not having to chase anyone around to change their diaper (my now 10-month-old grandson has "trained" my daughter to change his non-poopie diapers standing up because he's just too busy to stay still long enough!) or lifting toddlers in and out of car seats, carrying them on your hip, or hoisting them in and out of high chairs probably sounds like heaven to those of you still in the early stages of parenthood. But, all those parenting activities burn plenty of calories; something my older body isn't doing so efficiently anymore! So consider yourself lucky if you're a mom or dad who's still revving up your metabolism and burning plenty of calories -- in addition to the midnight oil -- caring for your kids.

So, yes, my blogging has suffered with my doctor's recommendation to get more exercise and reduce my stress. Reducing stress means fewer 12-hour work days. And, believe me, I AM trying!! When you run a small business, and one with never-ending deadlines, that's not an easy task. Funny thing is, most of the time my stress isn't caused by me, it comes at me from outside sources. No matter how organized I try to be, or how much I try to anticipate problems that could crop up, there's always something else that drops into my lap for attention.

The leaky roof in our office becomes MY problem as I try to get my landlord to fulfill the responsibilities in our lease which definitely says it's HIS problem. The payroll service I pay good money to every month claims to be "expert" in what they do, but you wouldn't know it from the  number of mistakes they have made in recent months. Then I have to spend extra time trying to figure out how to adjust my bookkeeping to compensate for THEIR mistakes.

Since February, I've been dragging myself out of bed at 6am twice a week -- I know, I know,  those of your with babies get up a lot earlier than that! -- and going to the gym before work. It's really helping me but if I didn't have the luxury of a personal trainer waiting for me, I'd probably just roll over and go back to sleep! You see, I'm one of those people who always follows through on commitments once I've made them. As long as I have an appointment, and someone is expecting me, I'll be there. It's more expensive that way, but I've told myself that my health is worth it. And I'd never do all those squats and crunches without someone standing over me. But you know what, after being in charge of others most of the time, I actually enjoy having someone telling ME what to do for a change!

Life definitely got in the way of blogging at the end of May. I was looking forward to a relaxing 4-day Memorial Day weekend when I got a call from my brother telling me that my 83-year-old mother had fallen. She'd fractured her cheekbone, her  arm (who knew there was something called a "tuberosity" in your upper arm?) and had bleeding on her brain. Relaxation went out the window as I had to head to the office to gather up the work I'd need to take with me in order to travel the 500 miles to where she lives. I spent almost two weeks at my mom's, juggling her care and my work (which couldn't have been done without the Internet). Thankfully, she has recovered and is just about back to normal now.

I've also been trying to spend time with my grandson Dexter. Since he lives 90 miles away, visits involve extra time and advance scheduling. My daughter works from home one day and week and I've found it's a good time to visit. She gets a little more work done and I get Dex all to my self for at least part of the visit. I'm lucky to be able to take some Tuesdays off; but my pile of work is still waiting for me when I return. No one else does my job while I'm away.

I'm sure everyone reading this wishes they had more hours in a day. So thanks for letting me vent. And remember that taking care of your health, no matter what stage of life you're in, is important. Parents too often take care of everyone else first, ignoring their own needs. Although we THINK we can do it ALL, it's definitely NOT easy! And it takes a toll on you eventually.

Are you old enough to remember that old Simon & Garfunkel song  "Feeling Groovy" whose lyrics we should definitely heed once in a while:

Slow down, you move too fast, you've got to make the morning last
Just kickin' down the cobble-stones, lookin' for fun and feelin' groovy

Feeling groovy

Hello lamp-post, what's cha knowing, I've come to watch your flowers growin'
Ain't cha got no rhymes for me, do-it-do-do, feelin' groovy

Feeling groovy

I've got no deeds to do, no promises to keep
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep
Let the morning time drop all its petals on me

Life I love you, all is groovy

Moms Around The World Have Same Concerns

A decline in opportunities for free play and experiential learning is eroding childhood around the world says the results of a major international study of 2,400 mothers in 16 nations, the largest study of its kind ever conducted. The study, appearing in the American Journal of Play, revealed a surprising similarity in patterns of how children around the globe spend their free time when not in school, as well as similar attitudes among mothers about their children's experiences.

Yale University researchers conducted the extensive 2-year international survey of mothers of children ages 1 through 12. The 16 countries included in the study were categorized as developed (United States, the United Kingdom, France, Ireland, and Portugal); newly industrialized (India, China, Brazil, Argentina, South Africa, and Turkey); and developing (Thailand, Pakistan, Indonesia, Vietnam, and Morocco).

Mothers answered questions about their beliefs and attitudes concerning experiential learning, worries for the safety and health of their children, and how they perceived the value of their children's various pastimes, including the use of electronic media. The data was weighted to ensure the sample reflected each child's gender as well as the socioeconomic status of the mother in each country.

Watching television was by far the children's major play time activity throughout the world, for both boys and girls. In all countries, more boys than girls play electronic games.

Although television watching was the activity most engaged in by children outside of school, the majority of mothers agreed that playing outside was their children's most enjoyable activity. Nearly half of mothers globally worried that their children spend too little time playing outside.

Significantly more boys in all countries played outside or in a playground than girls and more boys than girls took part in organized sports. Mthes with 3 to 4 children were significantly more likely than mothers with 1 or 2 children to report that their children frequently played outside.

Does all this sound familiar? The researchers expressed surprise at finding so much agreement among mothers despite differences in language, geography, culture, religion, etc. Repeatedly, mothers referrred to the LOSS OF CHILDHOOD and to the fact that their children were growing up too quickly.

"Through two years of interviewing," said the authors of the study, "we hear the voices of mothers from around the world calling out in Spanish, Portuguese, Turkish, Thai, and other languages... deeply concerned that their youngsters are somehow  missing out on the joys of childhood and experiential learning opportunities of free-play and natural exploration."

As spring unfolds here in Western New York, maybe we should all try a little harder to get our kids outdoors and away from technology; putting their imagination to work instead of putting them in front of the TV. Expand their world! Someday your kids will thank you for it!

What are your kids' favorite ways to play outside? How do you coax them away from the TV and video games?  Suggestions are welcome... so please comment!

Crude Barbie Bumper Sticker Makes Me See Red!

Well, not quite red. The bumper sticker was hot pink. But it did make me see red, as in being angry. Why? It stated in large white letters that jumped right out from the pink background "I want to be just like Barbie, that BITCH has Everything!" The capital letters in BITCH is exactly how the bumper sticker was printed. You couldn't miss it. And it wasn't even down on the bumper; it was right at eye level on the back window of the vehicle.

I came upon this example of crudeness one morning this week as I pulled up behind a green Chevy Blazer in the bank drive-thru lane. The Blazer was  being driven by a woman and seeing the sticker made me want to jump out and approach her driver's window and ask her (politely, of course) if she by any chance had a daughter? Or, for that matter, a young impressionable son.

If I had a young child in the front seat who had just learned to read well enough to decipher the words on the bumper sticker, I might have been faced with answering questions about what a B-I-T-C-H was and why Barbie was being called one.

But, perhaps, in today's world where curse words fly by us all the time on TV and assail our ears even on the radio, it's no big deal. But, in my opinion, it should be.

New York State motor vehicle law puts limits on what can be put on a vanity license plate -- letter and number combinations that are, at the discretion of the commissioner, "obscene, lewd, lascivious, derogatory to a particular ethnic or other group, or patently offensive" will  not be issued.

You certainly can't put B-I-T-C-H on your license plate; how come it's allowed in plain view on a bumper sticker? Oh, and I place in the same category those decals seen on truck windows which depict a boy pissing on a Ford or Chevy icon or a variety of other combinations. Great adult humor, but really not the best role model for the kids riding with us.

Yes, I know cops have many more serious infractions to deal with these days, but where does free speech end and public decency regain some importance?

This woman's bumper sticker is just one more little example of how our world is allowing negative influences to run rampant. While adults might find the bumper sticker funny and snicker as they read it, it doesn't belong in plain view for all to see. I'm not a devoted Barbie fan, so I couldn't care less that it referred to that specific toy; it's just the idea that when you plaster your car with an obscenity of any kind you're not only advertising yourself as crude, you're potentially exposing innocent young minds to trash as you go about your merry way as a moving billboard.